By The Rally Monkey!
It’s not been a great season thus far. And it can really start to make us all feel like we are worse off than most. Well, I have decided to compile a list of things I think might actually be worse than being in last place. Enjoy.
Yes, it’s happened more than you’d like to think. You tell your boss you won’t be coming in again… Ever! You break up with your girlfriend. Start thinking of all the great things you’ll now own! Then imagine losing the one and only piece of paper that proves you are in fact a multi-millionaire. Now that’s heartbreaking! Especially when your boss only hires you back as part-time help.
9.) Being the director of the motion picture, Pootie Tang
When you have to spend 81 minutes listening to Wanda Sykes speak. Not sure there is anything worse! Awe! But actually there is. In fact eight of them!
8.) Crashing the Titanic
What do you put on your resume after you’ve crash the world’s largest ‘unsinkable ship’? I’m not sure. But after the events of 1912, I’m guessing the ship’s captain, ‘Edward J. Smith‘ will never have to answer that question. And you’d think that disaster would be enough. But no! Then director James Cameron would bring us another disaster known as the 3 hour movie Titanic! “Wake me up when it’s over!!!”
7.) Cop Rock
Yes, before Glee (and don’t ask me how I know about Glee) there was Cop Rock! It was an 80′s half hour musical drama created by Steven Bochco that features cops and robbers singing and dancing their hearts out! If you don’t remember it, that’s ok. Cop Rock did for television what Justin Bieber did for Neurosurgery!
6.) Windows Vista
What can I say that hasn’t already been said about Windows Vista. When computers stores offer to sell you new PC’s with the enticement that they will downgrade your Vista machine back to XP, you know you got hosed!
5.) Jar Jar Binks
George Lucas will forever be known as a genius for creating Star Wars, and a moron for creating Jar Jar Binks! I’m not sure where the inspiration came for this unnecessary and ridiculously unfunny character but it had no origin in humor.
4.) Kathy Griffin
3.) The New Kids on the Block Reunion
Before Jar Jar Binks and Justin Bieber there were ‘The New Kids on the Block’. Marketed to girls ages 8-9. Not sure who’s idea the reunion was, but my guess is it had something to do with the Titanic not being available to drive into an iceberg.
2.) Having to wear the Oakland A’s uniform
Sure they’re having a pretty good start this season. But how do you work up the courage to dress yourself in their God-awful uniforms! I mean who picks these hideous colors for this team, The Braille Institute? I contend the real reason folks stay away from the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum are these ridiculously awful costumes the Oakland A’s call uniforms.
1.) Rally Rags (or towel)
Yes, I said it! Two words that most certainly do not go together. Rally and Rag (or towel). These have no useful purpose. What exactly are they suppose to accomplish? You twirl them in the air? Ok. But they make no noise? They just make you cold. And it’s a towel for God’s sake! Sure everyone loves a good rally, but at the expense of one’s own self-respect? I think not. Now a Thunder Stick! That’s got bang!! Even the name is intimidating! It’s got ‘thunder’ and ‘stick’! Two things that cause even Chuck Norris to wince!
So cheer up fans. I know things are pretty bleak at the moment but let’s be grateful we are not associated with any of the above!